Psychological Marketing - huh?

I work with people on psychological marketing strategies to build their business. When people look at marketing, there are some good solid principles such as focusing on relationship building, but psychological marketing is different.

In psychological marketing, I look at the personality of the business owner to help them get in touch with their ideal client. We all have ideas about what our ideal client looks like, but when we really come down to it we have to ask, "really?" Most of my clients aren't absolutely certain.

When we get into psychological marketing, clients tell me it's like I'm reading their mind. They'll say "I never thought of it like that, but yes - that's exactly my ideal customer!" It's rewarding for both of us - and especially rewarding for the clients that professional will be reaching. We all like being ideal customers - and we all can be - as long as the professionals we work with have a clear understanding of themselves and who they want to attract. That's pretty cool!

Best of all, it "sticks." People come back to me years later to expand their business but that root ideal client hasn't changed for them. These clients energize them. They're fun to work with and are so appreciative.

Psychological marketing is also about attracting contractors, employees and co-workers. It's also about attracting the right people into your personal life.

If you'd like some practical tips to put to work right away, visit my web site at www.aricialafrance.com and download the free paper on "The Top 7 Marketing Mistakes and How to Avoid Making Them."

And after you've read it, come back here and let me know what else you'd like to learn about psychological marketing. If I use your idea, I'll send you a full length aha-inspiring meditation.

Until next time...happy trails!

I am so blessed

Each Sunday in church we have a little song that we sing. It repeats over and over "I am so blessed...I am so blessed...I am so grateful for all that I have." I find myself humming it during the day and it instantly brings my mood up and I feel a smile spreading across my face.

Do you have anything like that in your life? Something that can instantly pull you out of a bad mood? If so, how often do you enjoy it?

Today on my radio show with career coach Marina Spence I was reflecting back on coaching school at ILCT. My instructor, Pat Williams said a lot of really smart things but one thing in particular stuck with me and made such an impression that I share it with nearly every client. He asked "Where do the things you love show up on your calendar?"

For most people, their calendars are filled with appointments and errands and responsibility. Why would we schedule fun? Fun fits in wherever you have time. But most of our calendars are so packed that there's nowhere to squeeze in the fun!

Why is play time important? Because it directly impacts mindset and mindset is vital to good parenting, enjoying your career and connecting with spirit. If you're like most people you have to think a bit about what you actually enjoy. There are the politically correct, expected answers but I always like clients to dig deeper.

And once they figure it out, I strongly suggest they schedule time to take a walk or watch a movie, to spend time with friends or brew beer, to meditate or bake brownies. I encourage them to actually write it down in their calendar so it doesn't get away from them. Joy doesn't have to come from big, expensive, luxurious, time consuming activities. It can be a catnap or an ice cream cone.

So today's assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to take some time to consider what brings you joy and then make it a part of your life.

Alexander sort of day...

When my kids were little and having a particularly rotten day, we would read "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day." Well, I had an Alexander sort of day today.

From traffic snags to miscommunications, computer glitches to small disappointments - it was just one of those days.

But amidst all of it, I saw glimmers that could turn my day around. My dear friend sent me a t-shirt from her non-profit. I received two thank you notes in the mail which always brighten my day. My teacher invited me to attend her next class which made me smile. I love her classes. And my e-mail was filled with kudos for a workshop I did recently. All of this will provide me with a basis for a great start tomorrow but today - I choose to wallow.

And that's okay. I think pity parties are woefully undervalued.

My son got home from work later in the day and had also had a horrible day. Then my other son...and my husband... we all had bad days. Interestingly enough, our bad days had to do with people trying to off-load their bad moods on to us. Fortunately we have taught our kids that when someone treats you badly it's about them and their stuff.

I know that in many of the families I've worked with there is a pattern of taking bad days out on one another - within the family. It is so damaging that many families never recover.

But there is another way.

For us, we sit down and vent. We talk about what happened while everyone else just listens. Then everyone takes some time to do their own thing. Football, a walk, a bath, a nap, ice cream. Some need more time than others and it's okay.

And after we've had some time to adjust our respective attitudes then it's time to come together again to watch a funny movie and munch on pizza so we can move past our bad day and set our intentions for a better day tomorrow.

When you're having a bad day, lashing out at others is a choice - and while it may spread the bad mood, it doesn't diminish it for the owner. Try to find that split second where you are at choice. Try different things on to see what helps with your mood - whether you need some time to just take good care of yourself or you want to pull yourself out of a bad place quickly.

The people in your life will greatly appreciate your efforts and as a bonus - you'll find that your relationships will improve and people will want to help you feel better.

Pulling Your Own Weight

Our son recently turned 19 and things are shifting. He will start college in the fall but will live at home. How do we manage meals? Does he pay for his own medical bills? How about clothes? Who buys them...who washes them? Do I still schedule his dental cleanings?

I'm sure these waters are charted and have been navigated since Eve had to let go of Cain and Abel but they're new to me. And although I've helped women with these issues for decades in my job as a therapist and parenting instructor it is entirely different to go through yourself. Like some sort of emotional heart surgery, even if you've performed dozens of them as a surgeon being the patient gives you new appreciation!

My partner and I were talking about this at breakfast when we noticed the cat sitting by “her”cabinet waiting for us to get up, get her treats down and dole a few out to her.

We both looked at kitty. She has become rather persnickety and will no longer eat the bargain cat treats. She now demands the gourmet snacks, meowing until we give in. My partner and I looked at each other and had a meeting of the minds. He said “Kitty! No more treats until you start pulling your own weight around here” and I said with him “which is considerable!” (The vet has been after us for years to put her on a diet.)

And we considered the relevance of this drama to our current parental situation. Parenting is often about managing expectations and so later that day we listened to our son about what would work for him, spoke with him about what would work for us, and sorted out what makes the most sense. While the waters are certainly not uncharted, everyone helps their child journey to adulthood in a different way.

We've decided that we'll all do laundry – but to save water we'll not separate the laundry by person. We'll take turns cooking meals. We'll cover the medical insurance, he'll handle the co-pays. And we worked out all the other little details we could think of. Then we talked about how odd it feels to all of us to have this shift in our relationship.

Upon reflection, I've learned it's not about letting go after all. We're not letting go of the relationship or the child or anything other than perhaps some old expectations and regrets. And that's okay.

The Koan

The Koan

In my last post I talked about a dream I had about ego and beginner's mind and how it's rather a koan – a puzzle with no solution. Like trying to assemble an optical illusion – the more you try to solve it, the more frustrating it gets. I think practitioners of Zen must think about these puzzles a lot. I think the point is to think about them enough to release them – to realize there are some things out of our control, that can never be solved and to get okay with that being okay. Not easily done.

I will be puzzling over this for some time I imagine – before I release it – and along with it the desire to be the best, the need to control and the hope to please others.

One of the things I've always taken a certain pride in is that I'm not naturally competitive. I think that my dream told that I have my own brand of competitiveness that I need to let go of.

And so, that is what I will be working to release. Perhaps working is the wrong word. I think it's more about being open to allowing it to leave – to release the attachment.

Best in Class

Recently I've started a new job doing some transcription for my teacher Mary MacNab. There's an art to it and some people are just better at it than others. You need beginner's mind to release the perfectionism so the script comes out cleaner than you can make it on your own. It's about allowing Spirit to flow through you.

We think that in order for Spirit to flow through us, we must be doing big, important, noble work. But imagine if everyone in the world allowed Spirit to flow through them regardless of what they were doing - while they were eating, watering the lawn, preparing a meal, saving lives, tossing out the trash, reading to their kids. It doesn't matter what you are doing, it's how you're doing it and Spirit can flow through you always.

I work late into the night and then fall asleep and dream that I am in one of Mary's classes about releasing ego. I am, ironically, the best in the class and I glow with pride. I'm sure you see the irony.

All of the beginner's mind stuff is slippery and remarkably enough, the more you realize that and let it go, the better you're getting at it. And if you recognize that and get peaceful with the confusion, you're back at square one - which is, of course, the point. But if you recognize that you're at square one and that's where you wanted to be all along and you feel good about it and you're not confused, you're not really there at all.

I'm still working it all out, but wanted to share. More next week...

Empty Nest

It happened so fast. I expected my kids to ease into their teen years, to leave the nest slowly. Instead it seemed to have happen in just a couple of months. My older son got a full time job and my younger son signed up for football. They are both so busy chasing their dreams, taking on responsibilities and having fun and I feel like I've done a pretty good job so far. They seem balanced in their approach to life.

And although they're still living at home, it's feeling increasingly like a pit stop - a safe haven for renewal between adventures. And that's okay. There's something about holding the space for them - like moving from a full time mom to an Emeritis position I am still able to provide something they need and that feels good.

Raising children can be all consuming and when they hit their teen years it can feel like a bit like forced retirement. I'm still eternally grateful to a friend who pointed out to me that she had worked part time from home until her kids finished college. She said that, in her experience, her children needed her as much in their 20's as they did when they were 3 - but in a different way.

I am grateful because, not only does it help me to be a better mom but it helps me realize it's not quite time to retire.